Claire's Diary
by Icantgetenough
Summary: Claire writes about her friends family and of course Eli Clare/Eli rated M for later chapters
1. Wondering

Authors Note: None of Degrassi anything belongs to me :(. Claire/Eli of course with the rest of the viewers who love them. Rated M for later Chapters LOVE them!

Claire's Diary

August 14 2010

I met Eli just a few days ago and I already hang out with him more than Ali, which I don't think is all my fault. Ali has a totally different

schedule and besides she hasn't said anything about it. Eli is so great he is so much more mature than any other guy I know. Ali ask me about

him during lunch and what she ask me made me panic. She ask if I wanted to go out with him. He is a great guy but totally not my type he's great

but I could do better, besides why would he want to date me anyways. So of course I told Ali I wouldn't date him in a million years. Now I feel

awful as if I broke his heart before we even had a chance. Its not like he heard or anything but still .. . What would we do anywyas its not like

mom and dad would like the idea of a junior with a car dating there daughter, why does he have to drive hearse, where did he get that thing

anywyas.

I feel lost almost like everything I've done lately is wrong lying to Ali because she gave me a dreadful look when she as about Eli like he

was a monster. Like I was Belle and he was the Beast. Maybe I should go after Eli, I shouldn't care what Ali thinks, Eli taught me that.

Maybe mom and dad will be to wrapped up in there fights to care I'm dating him. Oh God why do I care about all this Eli probably sees me as

some geeky girl who is in grade 10 who is boring and plain just like everyone else.. He would never go out with me . . .

CLAIRE

Thanks for reading please review I already have some what of story line in my head but if you have ideas feel free to mention them. The chapters are going to be short but I'll try to write a few at a time

Thanks


	2. Studying sort of

August 20, 2010

I told Ali about my crush on Eli. She ask if I was serious, she had the nerve to ask me if it was just because I needed someone to mess

around with. I was rude and said I wasn't like her and didn't think about boys and making out constantly, she just rolled her eyes. She was sort

of supportive, she told me I should invite him somewhere and I agreed. I wasn't sure what I was going to say but English class gave me a

perfect excuse we had partner projects and I ask Eli if he wanted to go to the dot get drinks and meet back at the media room to work on our

english project. Eli said sure and he gave me the weirdest look and i knew it was because I was beaming. How could this guy get to me I kept

thinking all through class. I thought constantly about it until lunch. I went and told Ali the news and then went and sat with ELi and Adam I then

called mom and she said it was fine to stay.

The bell finally rang and I went to my locker I told Eli to just meet me at the Dot. I went to the bathroom and retouched my make-up which

is so unlike me but I was nervous and needed a few more seconds. When I walked in to the Dot I felt like my heart was about ready to pound

out of my chest. There he was right in the window smiling at me an all I could to was walk quicker to the seat. We both ordered a smoothie and

talked about our project. It was a debate type paper which was going to be interesting. We talked about a lot of topics and decided to go with in

school day care for high schoolers with kids. I heard Mr. Simpson talking about it a few weeks ago and ELi agreed it would be a perfect topic.

We went to the media room the blinds were closed but the door was open, no one else was in there. I look around and make the choice

to close the door. We sit next to each other by the computers and I research the topic with Eli. I find a web page about another local school

considering the idea and Eli leans up against me. I felt this huge spark that ignited as soon as his side and my side met, but i stayed calm and

enjpyed the sensation. I looked up at him our faces inches apart and he smiled this grin that said he wants this to and then I beam again. He

abanded his computer and stared at mine. we were so close together and I didn't want it to end. OF course a few minutes later Mr. Simpson

came in he didn't notice us until I cleared my throat. He jumped up a little I resisted the urge to laugh and said just remember it closes at 5:30. I

shook my head and realized that neither me or Eli moved when came in my cheeks turned red for just a second and we continued

trying to find things about our topic. We got done around 5 Eli drove me home and wished me good night. Mom asked how I got home I said Eli

dropped me off, she didn't seem upset so I guess its okay which is a good thing maybe riding home with Eli could happen more often.

End of Chapter 2 home you enjoy Please review :D


	3. Tired of guessing

August 24th

I went to school today ready to turn in the project that Eli and I had been working on all week. I come to find that since we took a week to finish each pair will be giving a five minute discussion of our

papers. I didn't want to go first but of course the teacher calls on us first. I roll my eyes and Eli smiles we get to the center of the room and I look at all the kids who are uninterested i take a deep

breath and then I look at Eli. He starts talking a little bit about high school daycares have been on the rise and many other schools around us offer free child services to anyone in high school.

I debated that that the day cares were like an invatation that its okay if your in high school to be pregnant. Not that I think it the worst thing that could ever happen but it feels like you can get

pregnant have your baby and jsut drop it off there with no resonciability, some schools even offer late night day care until 9pm. Eli of course argued that I t was a great idea and every school should

have it because there would less kids dropping out of high school. But as we went on we started finishing each others sentences and no one noticed but the teacher. We finished and took our seats

smiling at each other ELi and I had this connection that neither one of us was sure what to do with.

I mean I like him a lot and and we've been flirting like crazy but I'm not sure if I want something to happen, I'm lying to myself i want something to happen but i'm afraid of something to happen.

What am I going to do, I just want someone who is going to be there for me who brings out the best in me and I think that Eli does that. I feel silly saying that though. I feel like this ridiculous love sick

High school girl that I told my self I never wanted to be. Maybe Eli doesn't believe in relationships he has some different points of view and maybe I'm mixing our close friend ship connections to something

more. I should just shut my brain down go out and say what I really feel but I can't i'm not like Eli I still care about what other say about me. Not as much as most girls my age but it does hurt if people

talk bad about me and I know I need to get over it . I'm over Kaci I am but I just want my next relationship to be good. I feel like I was Kaci's life coach ,aking sure he wasn't punching someone making

sure he did well in class, keeping him on the right path. Eli I know I won't have to make decesions for him but I don't know how to act in a relationship where I can take alternating lead roles I know we

should talk I want to talk but what do I say. Do I just tell him how much I want him or do I just play cool. What if he doesn't want me, what if he says no? NO I won't do this anymore to myself I'm going

to get my answers!


	4. We're together

August 26

Eli and I are official, sort of I mean if people ask we say we're going out but I don't know if it's really serious. We've been spending a lot of time together the past two days. We've studied for classes,

went to the dot at least three and we really enjoy just being with each other. It's like I never want to be away from him. When I come home I count down the minutes until I see him again. I'm so lost

when hes not around. Which feels weird like I want his opinion on everything. i fell a little dominated by his presence but in a good way. It's a weird for me to have this experience. I feel like everyone is

going to think I've changed. I guess I have in a weird way I've been way moredaring and I like it! its like I was under a rock and Eli lifted the rock from on top of me and I can see the light for the first

wanto to go out Saturday night and I feel s happy, don't know what we are gign to do yet I just can't wait. I hope this works ou I really like him a lot. Adam has told me Eli talk about me a lot which makes

me feel happy and Adam has been so supportive. I think he gets angry that Eli and I spend a lot of time together. I like Adam a lot I just hope we can have a balance of all three of us and just me Eli.

Because I don't want Adam and Eli to stop being friends or me and Adam to stop being friends. I hope he understands. I haven't told my parents any of this which is unlike me.

I tell them everything, well almost everythign but I feel like I'm keeping Eli a secret. Which I'm not trying to I just haven't found the right words to say I mean it was sort of a big deal when Kaci and I

started going out. I think that they understand though. I'm glad Darcy was older than me becasue I feel that since they had a lot of experiences with her,because they don't keep so much of a tab on me

they let me be more free than Darcy ever was. Which is a good thing. Well i guess thats all I have to say tonight. I can't wait until Saturday !


	5. 1st date

September 1, 2010

Oh my gosh this past week flew by so fast I don't even know if I remember 90% of it. I don't even know how this could all happen in one week! First off on Monday when Eli came to school he walked right up to me in kissed me. He had this perfect smile on all day and I could see it was because of me. It makes me feel so happy that I can be with him. The rest of the week it seemed like we hung out more and more if that is even possible. Tuesday night we studied together at the park which was a nice change of pace. He helped me with English as always. I know that I'm a year younger but sometimes I feel like I'm dating a 20 year old he just knows so much about the world. It's not like I'm locked up in a cage or anything but he is so bold and he brings out the best in me when he helps me with my writing.

He makes me feel good even when writing about some of the darkest of my days. We both studied for a chemistry test which was really odd because whatever he was good at I couldn't do and vice versa. We helped each other and both made an A on the test on Wednesday. That night Ali came over even though she's been so busy with everything else. She thinks that Eli and I are so cute together and went on and on about how she can't wait until Prom. How great it's going to be for us to double date all the time. I have a feeling this double date thing will never happen Eli isn't a fan and it seems like no matter how much free time me or Ali have we always have a conflict.

Friday was the weirdest coolest days of my life. The school started this new "rewards" program for everyone and if you do well in class and do homework and participate you get to leave 20 minutes early. Luckily both Eli and I were chosen to go with about 65% of the rest of school and it felt so freeing. It almost felt like I shouldn't be doing this. Like I was skipping class even though the teacher said it was okay. I forgot to tell my mom about the whole thing so she didn't expect me until at least an hour later. Eli and I went back to his place with no one home. I didn't feel uncomfortable at all but actually I felt nervous. I knew that there would be a lot of temptation to do a lot of things but, I took a breath and I had no expectations of anything. I drew a line mentally in my head even though I knew it was a line in the sand and with enough encouragement could be covered up as if it never existed. I had been to his house only once and just at the door step. I was waiting for him to grab a book he needed for studying. When I walked it was a charming house. You could tell his mom was into a traditional style that was cute but not over barring.

We went the kitchen and he handed me a cup and opened the refrigerator and said take your pick. I was surprised to see a wide range of drinks tea, lemonade, Coke, Apple Juice, Orange Juice, Beer, Some wine, and milk. I decided to go for some apple juice and he grabbed some lemonade. I was still nervous but Eli started talking about why they moved here and it calmed me down. He said his mom got a good job transfer and his dad's company actually gave him a raise for coming and since it wasn't too far away only about an hour from where they used to be.

When Eli finished the story he asked if I wanted a tour of the house and I said sure. I knew it would lead to his room but was going to be in the beginning of the tour or the end I thought. He showed me the living room which I already seen and we skipped the kitchen he showed me the down stairs bathroom and then took me up stairs he hurriedly showed me his parent's room just opening the door just so I could see what it looked like. I know that it was weird for him because a bedroom is a private sort of thing. Then he showed me the bathroom and finally his room. I wasn't sure what to do or say. This was the first time I'd been in a boys room that wasn't just a friend so I act try to act cool and I say wow you room is amazing , which it was. It was cleaner than I thought it would be. He had posters and everything and then I saw his bed his huge bed starring back at me wanting me to lay in it wanting me to do everything I knew I shouldn't but I let the bed win and I nervously sat on the edge and waited for Eli to set too.

We didn't say anything for a few seconds and he kisses me. I kiss back and we start making out. I felt this amazing feeling not what I expected not this guilty feeling not a wrong feeling but a "this is amazing" feeling. We started making out on the bed and soon enough we're lying down. He was on top of me kissing me gently one minute and fiercely the next he took my breath away a few times. Then, he started putting his hand up my shirt which made me feel so amazing a feeling I've never felt before like all I wanted was his touch but as soon as he reached the edge of my bra I put my hand on his and said not yet. I don't know how I got the strength to say it but I did and I loosened my grip on his hand he slowly slid it back down to my belly and still touch around there but as I asked he never touched anywhere near the edge of my bra. After a few minutes he rolled over and lay on his back beside me and we held my hand and, I said I was sorry for being a tease and he said that whatever I was comfortable with he was fine with. So I cuddled up next to him and closed my eyes. I knew I should be asking him to take me home but I didn't want it to end.

I have no clue what time I got home Friday all I know is my mom didn't realize if I was late or early and I thought it was a perfect chance to ask If I could go out with Eli on Saturday night, which I still had no idea what we were going to do but Eli said he would plan it and I wasn't sure how my mom would go with that part of it. Somehow some way I convinced her. She told me to be back at eleven and I was ecstatic. I IMed Eli I as soon as my mom said yes and I then I went through my closet, picking out the perfect outfit. Then I would pick up another and another trying on things I've worn many times before but none of them looked as good as I wanted them too. I looked boring, plain. I wanted to be special just for him. Finally I found it, a lower cut purple cami and a light blue button up with a jean skirt.

I put it on and unbuttoned the first three buttons exposing the purple cami and a little bit of cleavage. I didn't think it looked to bad and decided that was what I was going to wear. I looked over at the clock to see it was late I couldn't wait until Saturday. I stayed up all night and I each time I looked at the clock I knew I was being ridiculous, like a love sick puppy this isn't me not at all so I finally fall asleep blissfully.

The next day was like a waiting game but it was so worth it! Eli took me the movie theater that showed independent films and we saw a foreign film. It was about a girl wandering through the streets of Rome trying to find her mother and when she finally finds her her mother didn't even realize she was gone. I cried when her mother never even noticed and Eli grabbed my habd stroked my hair. After the film we walked out to Morty got inside and sat we didn't say anything but it was a comfortable scilence and then I ask if he was taking me home. It was only 9:30 I had time to spare and he knew so we went to above the Dot and saw a local band . they were really good and we even hung out with Peter for a little bit. When the set ended it was 10:30 and Eli took me home I didn't want this to end not one bit. So when we pulled up to my house I hugged and never wanted to let him go. He kissed my cheek and then he kissed my lips and it felt like I was melting into him and if we didn't stop soon we'd be a pile of goo on the floor. When he stoped he whispered meet me out here at 2am and all I did was nod my head, bite my lip and walk into the house.

When 2 rolled around I quietly went out the front door and it was Morty already waiting for me with Eli inside. He took me to a gravel road out a little ways in a field. He told me his grandparents own it. He grabbed some blankets from the back seat along with a flashlight . He walked an unseen path toward the middle of the field walking slowly so I could follow. When we got to the middle of the field it was all cleared out and Eli set one large blanket on the damp ground and motioned for me to sit. The he put the other cover over us and laid down .I followed suit. When I looked up it was beautiful the aura borealis was strong considering most of the time you couldn't see it where they lived. We stared at its beauty for a long time and then Eli looked over at me. He smiled and gave me a passionate kiss, he took my breath away. We stayed out until we could see the first rays of the sun.

I got home quietly went to my room shut the door and when I saw my bed I realized that I was so tired I didn't even changed I just passed out on the bed. My mom came up to wake me around 10 and I got up and just smiled they rest of the day. I couldn't help it. I felt great.

I know this is ridiculous but I want to be with him forever, I know that I,m a sophomore in high school but I really think I love him and it's the most amazing feeling ever


	6. Weekend lies

October 5th 2010

How was I to know Eli was going to change my world. I knew he was making me happy, I knew he would be there for me no matter what but , I didn't expect all this to happen. I noticed that since I've been with him I've changed I used to write all the time what I'm feeling but lately I haven't had the urge to. Used I would write in here just to get all my feelings out. Now I'm writing to remember things. I feel like since I've been with him I'm becoming the person I've always wanted to be outgoing, fun, able to put off things as long as they still get done. I'm less stressed and he always knows exactly what say.

I must admit I'm liking this new me. I know that I'm leaving behind a lot of things, but I know I'm doing it for me and not just him. We keep things in perspective I know I might not be with him forever and that's okay but right now I feel like this princess who has found her knight. I think that we are right for each other. We are showing each other new things but we are also giving each other the time we need. I feel like I always want to be with him. I love hanging out with my friends but I always rather be with him. If I could be with him 24 hours I would be. We are so close to that point now. Like next Monday we have a project due and I'm going to spend the night at house. I;m telling my momI'm going to Alli's. His parents are out of town so I can't wait. I know I'm lying but we need to get this done for English and I have to admit I can't wait until I go.

Oct 11

This weekend was the best of my life except for the guilt I feel about lying to my parents . I went back home after class and got my stuff for the weekend I told my mom I'd be back Sunday evening. I grabbed clothes deodorant , spray, make-up, my schools stuff, and whatever last minute things I saw and walked a block down the road where Eli met me. I was so nervous. I knew I wouldn't get caught Alli knew what was going on. She seemed more excited than I was. My mom and dad are fighting and honestly I didn't even think my mom and dad would check on me. So I wasn't nervous. Eli's mom was away on Business and his dad well I wasn't certain and he never brought it up so I didn't push.

I had been to house a few times but never for more than a minute or so. I was nice and when I saw his room I lit up because it was perfectly Eli. It had green walls that looked like his eyes and posters of his favorite bands. He had a guitar in the corner and his bed black and white with checkered pillow cases. I was nervous about the bed would I sleep with him or on the couch I wasn't sure. We started on the project we had to write a fictional story about paper we got each groups was different and ours was about a girl named Michelle. All we knew about her was she was young and felt trapped she wandered until she found a room of beauty. Eli and I had to finish the rest. It only had to be a few pages and it was easier than I thought. We got done in about two hours and then the weekend was ours.

For the most part we talked about anything and everything, about school about friends about life. We were just really in sync. I also learned he was a good cook we had steak mashed potatoes and corn for dinner. We watched some TV and the news Eli and I of course talked about the news like we 50 and decided it was time for bed. I was weary of sleeping in his room, even though Alli and I talked about earlier. I trusted him and but I wasn't sure if I completely trusted myself. I took a deep breath though and changed into pajamas , a t- shirt and pants. I didn't want to show to much before bed. When I came out Eli was in a white t shirt and pajama bottoms as well. I climbed in first his bed was soft and I felt as if I was melting into it. Eli slowly got on the bed as well. He wrapped his arm around me and I felt the sparks on my side were he touched me. I was nervous. I stayed up half the night until I could talk myself into falling asleep .

The next morning came and Eli and I were s till in the same position. I was startled at first but instantly relaxed realizing were I was . There was a special Saturday Football game we were going to and I but on my Blue Degrassi shirt and put my hair into a ponytail. Eli wore Lall dark color as always and we got breakfast and played some video games on his xbox. We then went on our away to the game it was our rivalry the Eagles which happened to be thirty minutes away. We got into Morty and Eli put on an Indie band one I knew quite well and he was shocked when I started singing the word. I'm glad I 'm a little unpredictable. He smiled and sang along as well. We got to the game which it seemed each school had everyone who went there for the past 20 years there. We lost by one point which was sad, the only thing that made it nice was that KC fumbled the ball and was the one who made us lose.

Eli and I were invited to a few parties nothing I wanted to go to and Eli made it it clear he wasn't into that kind of thing. So we hung out with Adam Drew and Alli after words we went to Above the Dot for about two hours just enjoying each other's company more than anything. I couldn't believe how perfect this night was being with such good friends. It felt like everything was right, like this is how it should be. When we left Alli gave me hug and we went on our separate ways.

I don't know what came over me when we got back to house but all I wanted to do is make out with him. We went to his and room and he sat on his bed and then I did. We started kissing lightly at first and then deepening our kissed at time went on . I don't know how we managed it but the next thing I know is I'm on top of Eli pushing my hips slowly into him as out tongues collide. When I became self-aware I blushed and got off him. And all he said was "Clare, what got into you?" Honestly I didn't have a reply all I know is I loved the feeling of my hips digging into his and my lips crashing on to his. We caught our breaths and I laid by him blissfully. It was amazing. Tonight I didn't have to talk myself into anything there I was asleep before he even turned off the lights.

The next morning I woke up and took a shower while Eli lightly snored in his bed. I couldn't believe I had gotten away with it. I felt guilty scared and nervous when we game out of his house in the early morning together. We went to the Dot for breakfast before Eli drove me a few houses down from my house. When I walked into my house my mom and dad were putting on the their church clothes and lately what I like to call their church faces. This was the only bit of time they seemed happy around each other anymore and I wasn't sure if Iwanted to go to church and watch the lie be told to the congregation. The lie that we are a still happy family so I told my mom I was tired and I came to my room.


	7. Final  thoughts

Jan 15 2011

I know I haven't written in this journal in forever but like my last few entries I said I didn't feel the need to put my feelings on paper and I still feel that way because Eli and I talk about everything. And lately other than Eli everything else happening around me are things I don't want to remember.

My mom and dad got divorced, Ali left me to go to some other school and the holidays sucked.

I'm just not sure about anything anymore what I feel, how I feel. I gave up a lot of things after mom and dad got divorced. I don't believe that God should always be who I go for and just pray for things to get better and if they don't it's because God didn't want it to happen I feel more that God wants you to act and make yourself the best and no matter what is going on you have control.

I think that this past year tested me like never before. I hope this next year gets better . . .

Clare


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